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über mich
muzik
freundlicherweise zur Verfügung gestellt von Sami Padre
andere wörter
leute ich kenne und mag
ms haworth tabula rasa(re)birth diskoteX her eyes are so passe SUZE, almighty just eat your cupcake solution_panda close to the sun ssailorss trixie fishstabber pizzaman iron chef airbender maansloep himalaya lion postsecret einoktobernacht trombley nakedpeople gothcat coldfox cubist literature emotive nosebleed
7 comments:
i want to thank you all for your patience.
critical feedback is also greatly appreciated.
:)
Love it, love it love it.
xxx
Great dialog. I especially liked the females. Amber, in particular.
And I thought it had some nice little touches (the part about Mexico being pronounced with the silence in the x.)
Nicely done.
Dear Sir, I have only two criticisms:
Inconsistency (sometimes the narration lets us deduce the meanings of things, sometimes defines things pedantically)
Rhythm (the narration and the dialog work fine on their own, but the loquaciousness of the narrator clashes with the much simpler dialog)
PS. If you listen real close to that shark scene in the 1966 Batman you can hear the sound of him hitting dull plastic. Adam West claims that he insisted that they record that sound because he knew the shark wouldn't fool anyone.
thanx trombley,
loquaciousness aside, this is the only story in my series where i myself am a character.
i can't wait to show everyone the next one, which i like better.
i like your story, zak. :-) you did a great job.
to perhaps add to mr trombley... i thought the dialog was overly simple, in a way that pulled away from the story and characters. when in fact the point of that type of casual dialog is to more further develope the characters. i mean case in point and few do it better: catcher in the rye by jd. the whole concept of that style is ironical because its so dificult to do for what would seem so simple.
over all i was impressed.
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