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über mich
muzik
freundlicherweise zur Verfügung gestellt von Sami Padre
andere wörter
leute ich kenne und mag
ms haworth tabula rasa(re)birth diskoteX her eyes are so passe SUZE, almighty just eat your cupcake solution_panda close to the sun ssailorss trixie fishstabber pizzaman iron chef airbender maansloep himalaya lion postsecret einoktobernacht trombley nakedpeople gothcat coldfox cubist literature emotive nosebleed
5 comments:
in case you're wondering why it took me so long,read holly's blog.
as always, critical feedback is greatly appreciated.
Dear Sir,
I also love the occasional telenovella - I recall watching Xica da Silva and they had a young nobleman who was so camp that he wouldn't have been out of place in Andy Warhol court.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xica_da_Silva
The only bit of critique I have is that you should try for more clarity. The ultimate language expresses something with perfect clarity, and you write a little opaquely. This means that the beauty behind words can be obscured.
Take the first sentence:
"Blythe Graff was unceremoniously disaffected;"
What does that mean, beyond the letters that make it up? Nothing. It sounds interesting, but is ultimately shallow. You can't express important things with shallow sentences - by definition.
Not every sentence has that problem, but several do. You just occasionally get tripped up in the beauty of writing to get through to other beauties within text.
It was like a picture postcard, or a series of picture postcards. A long narrative dream-like poem. A bittersweet moment captured, so sad but so beautiful nonetheless. Images catch me unaware as I empty the dishwasher or pull up beets from the garden. Thank you for inviting me to share it. How you captured the essence of a middle-aged woman is beyond me.
Besides that, there are some minor editing changes that could enhance it (commas and the like) but they are minimal. I also don't like the colloquial spelling of tho and..... there was another one but I can't think of it right now, maybe thru? But
you may have chosen them for a reason. I don't know.
Do you have plans for it?
where are these from?
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